Lessons in Life

I spent the last few days with my office team. Since I work from home, it is not always that I get to meet my boss or my team mates. Since this trip came right in the middle of my #MovingMadness, I was not very sure how I felt about it. I went mainly because I did not have much of a choice, and just dragged my tired self to the venue. I am so glad that I did !! This was one of the most inspiring meetings I have had in a long long time. Putting a face to the names of the people that I work with was an added plus.

There was a time few years back when I had no clue where I wanted to go with my career. I had a vision in my head, but I had no clear direction. I knew a few things I wanted to do, based on my work exp. but really did not know where to start. My main issue being that I wanted to be around the boys as they are growing up. I stuck to a job which had no soul to it for a few years just because I needed the money coming and I had no courage to move on (That is a very common issue with me around many things). I liked the security that the job gave me. So when the company shut shop and I was laid off (Boy !! The timing could not have been worse) I had no clue where to start from. I did a short stint at another place just because I needed to get a job and keep things moving (Not financially, those few months I needed to work to stay sane from what was happening in my life otherwise). I was extremely lucky when a friend called me one day and told me about this position. Those days, I still remember, I used to go through my days in a very mechanical fashion .. D’s parents were visiting, boys had their summer vacation and I was going through a very weird mental stage. Something I do not think I can explain very well .. But it was what it was. I am a kind of person who does not do very well with stress and boy! was I stressed those days !! I also do not do well with a mechanical routine. I need the challenge to keep me moving .. and I need to keep my self motivated constantly. I am not able to fit into a typical Indian Daughter in Law’s role how ever hard I try, so I have basically accepted that fact and I have stopped trying. I know I love and respect both my family and his family, but I have stopped trying to be what I can not be. So yeah .. back to the summer of 2013 .. I was in constant debate with myself on what and where I wanted to be. I do not think I talked with any living soul about this. I knew I wanted to be my own person and wanted a career, but I also knew very well that I did not want to have a job that needed me to put the boys in after care at their school. I wanted to be home when they get back from school. The combination was lethal 🙂 hard to find. One thing I was sure about was myself and my skills. I am awesome at what I do, and anyone would be glad to hire me .. But not very many companies could offer the work from home option that I wanted. I knew in the back of my head that I needed to compromise somewhere .. either another soul less job and go through a mechanical routine of living my life .. or go out to an office and put the boys in after care, I opted for the former and took up another job which really meant nothing for me. I also could no longer put up with the pretense of wanting to cook a full meal every 2 hours at home.

One of those days when I had hit an emotional rock bottom, a friend called and asked me if I was looking for a job as her company was hiring. What she told me, was exactly the kind of job I was looking for. “Would they let me work from home?” ..T said “YES, they are all remote” !! When the interview happened I gave it the best possible shot I had .. and every day since then I have given my job everything I can possibly offer. This had come to me when I desperately wanted to start living again and not just go through the pretense of living. So yesterday when the superboss asked me what motivated me to keep working .. I wanted to tell him that the very fact that I feel alive again and motivated enough to wake up again, keeps me moving. When they called me a champ .. I really fought hard to stop my tears.

This is corporate America, change in the only permanent here .. so even as I know that this is what I had always wanted, I know things change here every second .. So I just want to enjoy this while this lasts 🙂 One thing is for sure, now that I have started breathing again, I hope I do not hit that rock again !! Here is to hope ..