Monthly Archives: April 2009

The first heart break

One set of GrandParents left for India yesterday.

Junior has been miserable because he was so attached to his NyahNyah( Grandpa). GrandPa was miserable to leave him too. It was really sad to see them both separate. Last six months they really had bonded well. With Junior making his NyahNyah dance on his little finger. And his NyahNyah doing every possible thing for his little prince.

We cribbed and complained that my FIL was making Junior stubborn, but I don’t think either Junior or his NyahNyah cared much for the rest of the world. While I am eagerly waiting for my mom and dad to arrive on Saturday, Junior is still searching for his NyahNyah everywhere.

To keep him distracted we took him out on a drive and to meet his future friend who is just a two month old cute little munchkin right now. I guess that helped a little but once he was back home he was back to his old self looking for his NyahNyah every where. I wish I could do something to make him all happy but for now I think he has to go without his NyahNyah for some time. Everyone tells me that he will forget in a few days. I hope so too for his sake.

While Junior is handling his first heartbreak, bumbum did not care much I guess. He was happy to be able to bully Junior without any NyahNyah in the middle.


13 Month Birthday

13 months back, on this very day, amidst a lot of chaos and confusion, I became a mother. Mother! It’s such a simple word but it is such a complex feeling. I have never felt this much love and responsibility.

13 months back I was scared when I looked into the two tiny boys in the incubator. It was scary to see them both tied up to so many machines and wires. I did not understand what the nurses were talking about. I was too scared to touch my own boys. Motherhood was a strange feeling at that point. I was so worried about the tiny little fragile bodies lying in the warmer in the NICU. I could not see my boys well because diabetes had taken its toll on my eye sight. It was only the next day when D got me reading glasses I could figure out how my boys looked like. I had touched them very softly.

Today I am a more confident mom. We all have come a long way in the last 13 months. My Boys turn 13 months today (Oh well, they are actually 10 months corrected) and I can not thank God enough for keeping them safe. Here is what I saw 13 months back when I was wheeled down to the NICU to meet my boys for the first time.






First Step

Junior took his first few steps today. Every time I worry about this boy he turns around and does something to prove yet again that he is a Fighter. Oh Yes, he is My Fighter!!

Today morning he was standing and playing with his toy and Bumbum as usual was bugging him and threatening to snatch the toy away from him. I was just trying to guard Junior so that Bumbum does not hurt him or push him. But Junior just ignored everything, turned around, got hold of the sofa, and simply walked towards me. My jaw dropped as I saw him do this. Here I was going through websites and books on tips about how to help him crawl well, and he did this. I just can’t thank God enough for giving this itty bitty boy the fighting spirit.

You go boy. Mommy will be right behind you … every step you take.

Shubho Nobo Borsho



Our home welcomed the Bengali Year 1416 in true Bengali style with lot of food and smiles.

Last year the boys were still in the NICU and we had a very low key affair, mostly praying for the well being of the boys. The Boys are home and we had all the reason to celebrate this year. The boys got their Notun Jama (New Clothes) as per tradition, and we decided to have a lavish Bengali dinner at home. A Nobo Borsho is never complete without food. But it was easier thought than done. While planning we forgot a small detail, that we are parents to twin brats.

The day turned out to be super duper hectic, with D trying to wrap up his project and the boys deciding to throw tantrums and be super brats. We almost decided on getting Chinese take out but then around 10 pm, after we put the boys to bed we started cooking. It’s Nobo Borsho and the food had to be traditional.

The menu was simple but included most of our favorites. Machh Bhaja (modified by D to be fish kebabs), Aloo Posto, Luchi, Malai Chingri and Shreekhand ( to make way for Mishti Doi).





Home .. is where the heart is

When ever I visit friends in this country, there is one common topic that eventually pops up. About going back home, that is India. Every one has one common dream (very similar to the common dream which brought them to this country), to go back one day. But when ever this comes up I almost always have nothing to say. Usually I smile in response or give some vague answer.

It’s not that I do not agree with them. I completely understand the urge to go back home. There is nothing like the smell and the feel of ones own home. The thing is I have nothing to add or say because to me this is … Home. This is it for me. I know I am an alien in this country. At least that is what all my forms and paperwork says. But for me this is Home.

This is where I landed with a couple of suitcases and a heart full of dreams. No, I never had the quintessential American Dream. My career was flourishing back in India.

 My dream was to have a home. A place which D and I can call our own. And that is exactly what I chased ever since I landed here. Bit by bit, brick by brick D and I built our home. Together we shaped this place and made this the home we can not stay away from for long. This is the place where I finally got married to D. This is where my children were born. This is the place where they took their first breath. This is the place where they took their first step and uttered their first words.

Little by little … step by step … this is the place where a dream cherished in my heart for years have come true. This is the home that D and I have built and then we had our boys.

How can this not be home ?  This home is a part of me, my whole existence. For me this is it.  My 3 boys and I live here J  


For my Boys ..


Path Ki Pehchan

Poorva chalne ke batohi, baat ki pehchaan kar le.

Pustako mein hai nahi
Chhapi gayi iski kahani.
Haal iska gynat hota
Hai na auro ki zubaani.

Anginat raahi gaye
Is raah se, unkaa pataa kyaa?
Par gaye kucch log is par
Chhod pairo ki nishaani.

Yeh nishaani mook hokar
Bhi bahut kuch bolti hai.
Khol iskaa arth panthi
Path ka anumaan kar le.

Poorva chalne ke batohi, baat ki pehchaan kar le.

Yeh buraa hai yaa ki accha
Vyarth din is par bitaana,
Ab asambhav chhod yeh path
Doosre par pag badhaana.

Tu ise accha samajh,
Yatra saral isse banegi.
Soch mat keval tujhe hi
Yeh padaa man mei bitana

Har safal panthi yahi
Vishvaas le is par badhaa hai
Tu isi par aaj apne
Chit ka avdhaan kar le.

Poorva chalne ke batohi, baat ki pehchaan kar le.

Hai anishchit kis jagah par
Sarit, giri, gahvar milenge
Hai anishchit kis jagah par
Baag ban sundar milenge

Kis jagah yatra khatam ho
Jayegi yeh bhi anishchit
Hai anishchit kab suman kab
Kantako ke shar milenge,

Kaun sahasaa choot jayenge,
Milienge kaun sahasaa.
Aa pade kuch bhi, rookegaa
Tu na, aisi aan kar le

Poorva chalne ke batohi, baat ki pehchaan kar le

–Harivansh Rai Bachchan